Am I too old for this?

So it's official. I have now graduated from college and am off to conquer the "real world". This statement alone is hard enough for me to grasp. The reality of it is so suffocating that I would prefer to push it off a little longer. However, that is no longer an option. I will say, denying the enivitable is a great talent of mine. Somewhere in my life I decided to take the whole "seize the day" routine, which is fancy way of saying forget about the consequences of your actions. Being the spontaneous person that I attempt to be, it is nice for me to pretend that nothing, or no one will be affected by things I do, so I role with it. But thats a whole different story.

Now here I am at 21 years old, and feeling way too young to be thrown into such a scary world where everyone is shoving expectations down your throat, or just waiting for you to fuck up. I am by no means ready for this.

If I take a look at the big picture, the fact that I for an instance feel sorry for myself is sickening. I realize that there are many individuals who were forced to grow up at a much younger age than I, for one reason or another. I have a great life. A great family and support system, and no reason to pity my future. Unfortunately that does not stop the sick feeling from creeping into my stomach when another person asks me what I plan to do next. Because in all honesty I have no idea. I know the realm in which I am to pursue, but nothing firm to hold onto. All I want to do is turn back time and embrace being young and carefree.

There are so many questions that I have for my future. The question that haunts me the most, is whether or not I am becoming too old for the life I lead. Many people will hear this and say things like, "you are only as old as you want to be", or "age is just a number". But lets get real here-there is a point in your life when you are too old to get sloppy drunk with your friends and run around naked in the parking lot. Or too old to binge eat fast food all day, for the depressing reason that your metabolism is slowing down. What about trashy magazines, hoochy makeup, and jello shots? These are things I am NOT ready to give up! My strong desire to hold onto these meaningless forms of young adulthood scares me. Will I ever transition? When will these things become less desirable? Maybe it will be like when you stop playing dolls as a girl. First you are embarrased by your want to continue to pretend, but since everyone has becomed more obsessed with makeup and B. Spears, you start to deny your love for Barbie and Ken. Then slowly you start to see what they mean, and why these new things in life are exciting. Before you know it you have no problem packing up the toys and slabbin on some lip gloss. Hopefully my transition into the real world will be just as easy, but I doubt it.

These rambled sentences spewing out of my mind are starting to sound a bit depressing. Have no fear, it is not my life that saddens me, or scares me. It is the life of many other miserable adults who stare into my eyes and tell me to enjoy being young while I can. While I stare right back hoping I never end up like them. Luckily there is a part of me that continues to assure me that I never will. And there is a part of me that knows I should look forward to in my future. So far my life has been full of wonderful adventures, and I know that there will be more to come. I just hope that I don't have to give up on those things that keep me young, keep me laughing, and keep me excited about this journey called life.